Avakai..

Our mango tree has bore fruit... so the queen of cuisine... my grandmom, my mom and my aunt got down for the annual ritual.. making the Avakai.. or rather Putting the Avakai [ avakay pettadam] :P

My mom and my aunt cut the mangoes into li'l bunch a pieces.. while my grandmom was patiently mixing the whole thing with her hands.. putting in the required amounts of uppu, karam etc etc.. and the smell that emanated was too much for me to resist and i quietly managed to sneak in and grab a handful for me to munch on even as my ammamma started her endless trademarked tittus exclusively reserved for me. .. Oreyy Vedhava sanyasi... chetulu pettaku.. intaga edigavu.. inka vedhavveshaalu maanledu... adda gaadida!!!!

lol.

In my opinion, there is no better pickle than Avakai.

Mango's the king of fruits

Avakai's the king of pickles

Period

Avakai + mudda pappu.. Here i come.

Burp.

PS:Ever tried Pizza+ Avakai combo.. yummmmm it is.. :D

Richie: So, are we in a serious relationship?

Me: Why does it have to be serious? Why can’t I be in a funny relationship?

Richie: What’s a funny relationship?

Me: It’s one where you can make out and party and laugh and have fun 24/7.

Richie: That’s fine. As long as it’s in a serious relationship.

Me: I’ll never understand women.

NEVER accompany women on shopping trips..

[Life's Lesson # 3457 : Never accompany women on shopping trips. I learnt that the hard way. ]


Richie's in town from Chennai.. and she had to do some shopping. so as usual picked the ever-jobless yours truly.. even i had to get some easter shopping done as well. so we went to Lifestyle.

She decides to buy these two tops. Both of them are in some sorta similar Brownish colors. Now I notice the top she's wearing. No prizes for guessing but you can guess anyways. Yes you're right.

Brown.

I'm assuming you got it right. So if you didn't, blow me.

I did what i do best ie Ask a stupid question. Now at that time point of time it didn't seem stupid at all.But in retrospect, i have to own up. That was one of the stupidest questions ever cos all i got were weird answers . Here's how the conversation ensued.

Me: wats with all the brown clothes ra?

Richie: Brown is the New Pink. [?] -Weird answer#1

Me: what happens to the pink ones then? won't people buy them anymore?

Richie: People are still gonna buy pink cos Pink is the New Black. [??] -Weird Answer #2

At this point of time, i was more confused than ever, but still.. i hung on in there..tried to get one more query clarified.

Me: Errr.. o...kay but then what about the Black clothes??

Richa : Black Rules forever dude.

Me: *Chukkalu*Chukkalu*More Chukkalu*

:S

finally felt the depth in what mayank says all the time.. Ab kya bolna samajh mein nahi aara!!!hehe

sentence fragment [consider revising]

or it can be... why i dont follow correct grammar religiously.

image dictates impression.

tryin to deconstruct the use of grammar. recast the shape of a sentence to reflect the immediacy of the moment. trim excess foliage and allow the naked thought spotlight. or allow ambiguity to creep over the branches and bear fruit. in your mind.

i've noticed that words can get in the way of ideas. that by the time we decipher the convoluted skeins of thought we often deal with, we've lost touch with our core concept. do we need to add excess verbiage to that mix?

read my ideas. i've tried to express them as i see it in my head. the bloom of color on a blackened gray horizon. i chase after meaning, and the expression of thought.

ps : ugadi subhakankshalu :)

Why drink beer.. the ultimate logic!!!

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

burp.

If you're ironing for the first time, its not the best idea to start with your favourite shirt. :/

Ouch.. boo hoo!!

There was once this pretty dame
Silpa J was her name
She kinda is a cranky *Beep*
cos she always calls me a creep

And thus once enraged, it came to pass
she fell down and bust her ass
she flipped and flapped and yelled out "FOO!"
cos earth made a hard rendezvous.

I knew it was kinda rude a me
But I laughed so hard,
That I almost forgot to ask
if alright she was.

but gotta admit,
it was funny as hell
Her rear got squished
the way she fell.

You might wonder whats the reason
I tell ya her brain's outta season
She might say All This is CraP
but Honey its just Moi RaP.

peace out. [:P]

Happy b'day Spike

Spike turned a year old today..

i have to confess.. i used to be shit scared of dogs. Probably because when I was a one-year-old, a dog tried to maul me.Once, a neighbor's dog, a huge burly Alsatian came a few inches from what I can only assume to be swallowing me whole. And I was a pretty big baby.
There's no proof that that incident actually occurred and there's a good chance i might just be making all this up.

My dog problems culminated a few years later when I was playing outside my home with my cousin Mike. We'd been out a while and decided to sit for a few minutes. With no warning other than a bunch of barking and a loud collar jangling, a large dog bolted towards my cuz bro. The dog easily knocked him over, no small feat to me considering how large a 12-year-old looked to an eight-year-old me. After defeating the leader of the pack (a two-person pack, but a pack nonetheless), the dog headed straight for me in an attempt to finish the job. I did the only thing I could. I ducked. Did Scotty the doggy bite me? Scratch me?Swallow me?Shoot me with the laser beam attached to his collar?

Worse - it jumped over me, kicking me in the head as it landed.

That's right - I am the only person in the world to have been jumpkicked in the head by a dog.

As I got older and less swallowable, I began realizing my fear of dogs was irrational. I am bigger than most dogs, and thus they should be afraid of me. But it's not Completely irrational. In a fight, a dog has less to lose. You can't reason with a dog. And dogs don't follow the 11th commandment of "thou shall not bite thy opponent in the crotchal area." Nevertheless, I'm now okay with most things of the dog-al persuasion.
My friend chetan helped me with this process, since his err.. bitch Danzy's a total wuss. Now don't get me wrong.. Danzy's an awesome dog and a great dog,but the meanest thing she ever did was chew on our socks.

And then one day there was born Spike.. Danzy's offspring.. now This doggydude is the lean mean tough machine-animal of our neighborhood. Don't get fooled by his innocent what-can-i-possibly-do-to-u look in the pic. that was taken when he was 6 months old and i had doggy biscuits in my hand too. Now He's celebrating his first birthday and he's already started humping his own mom.

Mofoing s.o.b.

Anyways here's wishing Spike a very happy birthday and here's to Danzy and Chetan as well.

Cheers.

Arf arf.

Dont get smart with me.

I was recently told not to get smart with someone. I apologized, and assured her that I was only being smart in comparison.

"Don't get smart with me" is one of the dumbest phrases we use. Well, one of the dumbest phrases People use. I can't say "we" because I don't use it. Making fun of people who say "Don't get smart with me" is the only time I ever say "Don't get smart with me."

What is "don't get smart with me" supposed to mean? Typically, thats used during an argument in response to the other party making a good point. They should say, "Don't you dare bring intelligence into this in order to combat my infinite dumbness!" Or something more their style, like "I jusht only cannot underishtand whaat only yuvar trying to tell!"

The phrase is probably intended to mean, "don't be a smartass." But if the speaker means "don't be a smartass," thats what they should say. When the chick I was arguing with said, "don't get smart with me!" I wanted to tell her I wouldn't have to get smart with her if she weren't so dumb with me in the first place. Then she'd have to say, "there you go, being smart again! We're never going to get anywhere if you keep being smart!"

Its not my fault i was born smart, no?!

Bored

I'm bored.

today me sitting around @ home being bored and doing whatever it is i normally do when i'm not sleeping or eating, chanced upon this brand new box of crayons, so took them upto my room[ i was bored, shut up]. I loved them. But here's my problem.

Too many colours.250 freakin' colours. Who the f needs these many shades of white and who's the brain surgeon who comes up with names for crayons? What the hell is 'pecan' anyway? Isn't that some kinda food? I have one white crayon named 'Snowflake' and another white crayon called 'Igloo'!!
Hey you know what igloos are made of? Snowflakes. Lots and lots of snowflakes. Shitloads of 'em.

Thats not the point of this blog, mind you.

I just had to let that out.

Point is, I'm bored.

People ask why i make no sense.

I say,

I speak from experience.

When I die..

When I die,I seriously think it'd be kick ass to really mess with all my friends and family. That's why at my funeral, I really want to do something spectacular. Something so that nobody will ever forget me.

Here's my idea: At my funeral, I'll have a closed casket. That way, everybody will think that my body is inside. Little do they know, however, that when people are sobbing and praying, or whatever it is they do at funerals, my body will drop down from the ceiling suspended on wires. The lights will go down, a strobe light will turn on, and techno music will play in the background as my corpse flops and floats around while soaring over the heads of my loved ones.God,I'd give anything to see the looks on their faces.But then the whole point behind being dead is you can't experience such privileges.So I have decided that I'll conduct the same fiasco,if u wanna call it that, on somebody else.Hhmm, there are so many names that come to my mind now. Its hard to choose.But you can't have a funeral unless you're dead. SO i'll have to accomplish that task also myself.

So i Choose You.. yes [You] only.

My heart quivers at the pleasure of killing you first cos the primary objective of having a funeral is to 'Honour' the 'dead' dude.You are most welcome to post any of your comments and suggestions.Thank you for your kind co operation,i'm sure you had nothing better to do anyway cos u all lead miserable miserable lives.

>>God damn I am such the fucker<<

Block Block

It's getting incredibly harder for me to write, to blog these days. It seems that the part of my brain responsible for verbal faculties has suddenly atrophied! I really don't know what will get me to write on reflex! It used to be so easy. Nowadays, it takes several days for me to stew and simmer my thoughts to give textual form to the intangible images floating in my mind. Several days of stewing that translates to an entry that nobody reads.Stupid writer's block.

What to do now...

true love comes quietly...

today [ Feb14] is valentines day...the day for love.....and exactly 9 months later, on the 14th of november, we have childrens day.....hmmm...food for thought ah.....Its time ppl use the rubber more i might say ;).

They say, "The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet."......well it is no wonder I am still single.Actually i have beeen smitten by the love bug quite a few times, 3657 to be precise...but the problem was that none of them reciprocated. But i am a believer.

"If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruiser missile."

..and im waiting for my time[Losing patience in the bargain].....mera time kab aayega......???

All my life, I have been regularly falling in love at an average of 3 times a day! Every time a hot chick passes by, my dil ki ghanti starts bajaaofying...and it has bajaaofyd so frequently, that over the 22 years of experience that i have managed to garner, I have begun to realise that True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. I've learnt one more thing.. if you hear bells, get your ears checked.So I conveniently ignore all the sounds that ring when women pass by me... its probably just their cell phones or their bells or horns telling me to get outta their way..

I am waiting for that moment of silence...i am waiting for true love...and true love's first kiss.....ok!! now this is as romantic i can get... cos i follow the following blog commandment..

Thou shalt not put senti.Cheap senti or otherwise. Not online, not offline, not phone line. Wohkay!!


So All u beautiful people reading, please consider this honest appeal...

Try me once, if not satisfied, love back guaranteee.....get me out of club67

pleej..

Haircut Ho!!!

The world of hair care is plagued with this male-female dichotomy[no idea what the word means but i read this phrase somewhere].

You have your manly haircutting saloons and the shack i goto [Surya Haircutting Saloon] features Surya,the guy who's been giving me haircuts since i was 10 and a TV with AdityaTV always on..

and then you have your girly Salons [ with the extra O conspicuous by its absence to differentiate it from a saloon]..

The girly salons will feature perms, dyes, highlights, curls, nails, massage, wash, dry, spin cycle, and various monkeycrappy hair products whose 'clients' mainly comprise of old fat balding men and gays and suckers who call themself "MetroSexual". What is with that word anyway..how can i also start calling myself one.. by having Sex on a Train?! Metrosexuals are effeminate LoseRs!!! Period.

Now you'd think the choice would be obvious. If I go to the manly place, I might have to pay fifty bucks as opposed to five hundred. Plus,Surya's as close to a modern day pirate as ever will get. THIS IS A HIGH SEAS HAIRCUT ADVENTURE. But there's one thing you're forgetting: the girly salon will probably give you a GOOD haircut...and a nice facial to boot! Unless I take a picture of Surya and carry it around as explanation for why i have buzz knicks and claw marks on my scalp, it's safer to go to the girly salon.

And who knows you might run into your CRUSH there! TEE-HEE!

So hopefully this time i have decided to skip Surya's and get a haircut at one of those ~posh~ salons where gay people mostly hang out.So now let's decide on what style I want. I have no clue as usual. You have no clue, don't worry that's normal. The haircut people have no clue what you're trying to say anyway. Even Surya doesn't.They just toss out jargon to muddle you up while they proceed to cut in small baby-step stages. This is because "taking more off is always okay, but putting it back on is the hard part." That was an actual quote by my barber translated by me from crude telugu to english...every time I go in there,he still wonders why I don't come in that often.
S: " Enti ee madhya ravatledu"?
Me: "Dude,its not like i need a haircut everyday, im not a were wolf to come in that often!!"

Btw Now what if you DO know what you want your hair to look like. Well you should bring in a picture of a celeb with that hairstyle so that your haircutter will know precisely what you want. NOT Shah Rukh khan though,as a fact all hairdressers' favorite character is Salman Khan. Surya's even got his face painted on this board outside..

One of my friends goes to this Habib's or Jamal's or some salon named after this guy where you even have some chicks give u a cut. He always comes out with a huge smirk on his face.Yea maybe we also should go there..this is going to be nice! You're in for one semi-erotic experience. With Sunny running fingers through your hair, making you go up and down in the chair, and blowing on your ear...with the dryer, you're damn justified for having that erection. Everyone over there knows you have one, so be proud! If you dont get one, that means you're probably homo. Why do you think they cover you up in that big sheet. And we haven't even gotten to the hair buzzer. In the right hands it is like a vibrator for your neck. Tingly nerves are driving you crazy. She's totally flirting with you! Then she goes, "Mind if I give you a quick tease?" Calm down sailor, she's just going to tousle your hair a little and then you have to leave. So while you may think it's out of hand to spend 500 bucks on a haircut, it's quite in your favor considering you leave the place with the "effects" of a lap dance.

Oh and by the way Sunny is a man's name too.

someone lend me some money..

You know how They say that "Everything in life has a purpose!"

.. now before you ask me who [They] are.. beats me.. i got no friggin' clue either..

Well I was in the shower today and got to thinking why do men have nipples? I mean they serve no real purpose... atleast not any that i can possibly think of.. its not like we men can lactate too..

:-/

FEm

I hate it when people ask me for my opinion and feel bad when i tell them the truth.. I'm brutally honest; if you don't want me to be honest, then don't ask me. I hate it when girls ask,
'What do you think about this top'? When I say its skimpy and it sucks, they're like ' Hey don't be mean its sucha pretty top and i like it, neha liked it and she's a fashion designer and she liked it and all my friends liked it. ' Unlike Neha, i'm not a designer. I'm no judge of tops and bottoms, so why ask me in the first place?
n then i used to have this other friend who always used to ask 'Do these pants make me look fat?' I'm like, 'No, your fat makes you look fat. All the pants' trying to do is get off you.'

n i also hate it when people take me for granted.. i try to be a nice guy and lend a couple books to a friend S and its been almost 2 months... not a word allthis while and when i finally ask for them.. comes the reply.. "Fine, you can have 'em after two days".. as if she doing me a favor by returning them... [??] .. fine i can live with a li'l attitude.. but two days pass n still nothing... still no sign of my stuff!!! what am i.. running a free library or what// if she were a guy.. she would have got a much deserved kick in the butt long back..

but nevertheless i call her still cos i desperately need those books.. and here's what she has to say about it..

S: "Andy dont bug me yaar, i'm unwell"

Me: ''why what happened to you..''

S: ''Nothing!!'' [???!!!]

The above was repeated thrice during the course of that telephonic conversation. Now listen up, I'm not some sorta telepathic dude like one of those zero bodyhaired bald beings from that movie Minority Report to be able to understand whats wrongwith you and even them beings needed a poolful of molten jelly to do their thingy.

[I've had it with this S female cos she makes no sense and females as a rule generally dont make any sense whatsoever and here i take this opportune moment to define the word Female.. it can be deduced that a female is a male with a 'Fe' and what does this 'Fe' stand for..u might be wondering..the answer, my dear reader is Fe stands for inFErior.]

Yes, I am a Male Chauvinistic Pig and i wholeheartedly approve the above paranthesis.

so blow me.

.l..

Don't hold your farts in, because when you do, they go straight up to your brain and that's where you get your shitty ideas from.

how to grow a beard..

Occasionally, I've been known to be somewhat opinionated. Oops...just caught that typo in time. I have been known to be VERY opinionated. I have at least two opinions on just about every topic. I am sure there are times when people have felt like rearranging my face.Unfortunately [for them!] there is no legal method for them to do that.Being a kind and generous individual, I have been searching for ways to help these unfortunate victims of my over-active opinionation.Finally, I have found a way to rearrange my face.To help them out, I have grown a beard.

Here is how to grow a beard. [Ladies, please don't try this at home.Some so-called 'Ladies' i know neednt try at all.. they already have a beard n muchi n the works..] .. so here goes..

On Day 1, I did nothing.

On Day 2, I did nothing again.

On Day 3, Idid nothing twice.

On Day 4, I verified that nothing was still being done.

Then I simply repeated the cycle.It's been about two weeks, and my face is definitely rearranged.

To tell the truth, the decision to grow my beard was not just to atone for my hyperopinionation. In fact, what I really wanted to do was to see how I looked in a beard. Curiosity is the real reason I have been growing a beard.Oops... there I go, catching a typo again.that line should have read:
"Laziness is the real reason I have been growing a beard."

Truth be told, I did the four-day nothing cycle more by accident. When you have nobody to impress, the days can just kindof get away from you. Before I knew it, I had the foundation of a growing beard.That's when I got curious. And lazy.

Anyway,I think my curiosity is settled. I am still lazy, but I am ready to shave off my beard. Unfortunately, my girlfriend hasnt yet seen it, so I am keeping it on by special request until she can see it. Dueto a heavy schedule, that visit might be a while.
Oops. Silly me... i have saved me from inaccuracy once more. I just realised that due to being too lazy to shave my beard, that visit might be a while... and i waitaminnit... who girlfriend...??? :?

But i shall definitely shave tomorrow, because its madhulika's engagement and im gonna get butchered if i turn up in my present avataram.. what if i dont get let in cos i look like a goon... can't let all that food goto waste kada.. ;)

over n out

thinkin...

There was a long involved chain of thought that went through my head. It was curiously enlightening.

It started from a question of whether taking human life in any form is bad. Or in other words, is it possible to take one of jesus sayings like love your enemy or something like that and carry it to a logical conclusion that would end up being the total antithesis of what he meant. Bear with me.. i know im not making much sense just yet. So is there any reason human life should be sacrosanct? or are there any laws that we have that God should be bound by. It only seems fair... that God abide by the same rules he expects us to keep. and yet, they say it doesnt work that way; if we displease him, he can send us off to burn.
but we end up being his creation and so many things about our universe are arbitrary and fixed. the way we are.. the way God is.. and that makes all the difference.The simple fact is, you dont go to hell if you do wrong... you go to hell if you dont choose God. Hell is not punishment, it is existence without god.. and while proponents of God try to paint a scary picture of Hell, opponents argue that Hell is not really hell. They are convinced that existence apart from god is possible. and so we have the great divide.You must choose one or the other. and on this hangs your life.. the real issue i want to draw attention to is our resistance to being coerced. Yes, if God really forces me to decide, i might choose my own way apart from God. its how we are..and its definitely how I am and i think feeling that God is forcing us is why so many of us dont want God...who wants to be forced to kneel... to have your pride broken.. to grovel like some slave...
The real sticking point in my head is that when I think of the statement.. God makes all the decisions ultimately, or God decides who goes to heaven and who doesnt, it bothers me that he should have that power. I'm upset by it too, when i think about it. i mean, really, what right does God have to do such things? its no use telling me he created me... if he created me with free will, then it should be perfectly possible for me to become independent... isnt it strange that God would provide that and not the means to attain independence from him... ??

think about it.