When I die..

When I die,I seriously think it'd be kick ass to really mess with all my friends and family. That's why at my funeral, I really want to do something spectacular. Something so that nobody will ever forget me.

Here's my idea: At my funeral, I'll have a closed casket. That way, everybody will think that my body is inside. Little do they know, however, that when people are sobbing and praying, or whatever it is they do at funerals, my body will drop down from the ceiling suspended on wires. The lights will go down, a strobe light will turn on, and techno music will play in the background as my corpse flops and floats around while soaring over the heads of my loved ones.God,I'd give anything to see the looks on their faces.But then the whole point behind being dead is you can't experience such privileges.So I have decided that I'll conduct the same fiasco,if u wanna call it that, on somebody else.Hhmm, there are so many names that come to my mind now. Its hard to choose.But you can't have a funeral unless you're dead. SO i'll have to accomplish that task also myself.

So i Choose You.. yes [You] only.

My heart quivers at the pleasure of killing you first cos the primary objective of having a funeral is to 'Honour' the 'dead' dude.You are most welcome to post any of your comments and suggestions.Thank you for your kind co operation,i'm sure you had nothing better to do anyway cos u all lead miserable miserable lives.

>>God damn I am such the fucker<<

Block Block

It's getting incredibly harder for me to write, to blog these days. It seems that the part of my brain responsible for verbal faculties has suddenly atrophied! I really don't know what will get me to write on reflex! It used to be so easy. Nowadays, it takes several days for me to stew and simmer my thoughts to give textual form to the intangible images floating in my mind. Several days of stewing that translates to an entry that nobody reads.Stupid writer's block.

What to do now...

true love comes quietly...

today [ Feb14] is valentines day...the day for love.....and exactly 9 months later, on the 14th of november, we have childrens day.....hmmm...food for thought ah.....Its time ppl use the rubber more i might say ;).

They say, "The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet."......well it is no wonder I am still single.Actually i have beeen smitten by the love bug quite a few times, 3657 to be precise...but the problem was that none of them reciprocated. But i am a believer.

"If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruiser missile."

..and im waiting for my time[Losing patience in the bargain].....mera time kab aayega......???

All my life, I have been regularly falling in love at an average of 3 times a day! Every time a hot chick passes by, my dil ki ghanti starts bajaaofying...and it has bajaaofyd so frequently, that over the 22 years of experience that i have managed to garner, I have begun to realise that True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. I've learnt one more thing.. if you hear bells, get your ears checked.So I conveniently ignore all the sounds that ring when women pass by me... its probably just their cell phones or their bells or horns telling me to get outta their way..

I am waiting for that moment of silence...i am waiting for true love...and true love's first kiss.....ok!! now this is as romantic i can get... cos i follow the following blog commandment..

Thou shalt not put senti.Cheap senti or otherwise. Not online, not offline, not phone line. Wohkay!!


So All u beautiful people reading, please consider this honest appeal...

Try me once, if not satisfied, love back guaranteee.....get me out of club67

pleej..

Haircut Ho!!!

The world of hair care is plagued with this male-female dichotomy[no idea what the word means but i read this phrase somewhere].

You have your manly haircutting saloons and the shack i goto [Surya Haircutting Saloon] features Surya,the guy who's been giving me haircuts since i was 10 and a TV with AdityaTV always on..

and then you have your girly Salons [ with the extra O conspicuous by its absence to differentiate it from a saloon]..

The girly salons will feature perms, dyes, highlights, curls, nails, massage, wash, dry, spin cycle, and various monkeycrappy hair products whose 'clients' mainly comprise of old fat balding men and gays and suckers who call themself "MetroSexual". What is with that word anyway..how can i also start calling myself one.. by having Sex on a Train?! Metrosexuals are effeminate LoseRs!!! Period.

Now you'd think the choice would be obvious. If I go to the manly place, I might have to pay fifty bucks as opposed to five hundred. Plus,Surya's as close to a modern day pirate as ever will get. THIS IS A HIGH SEAS HAIRCUT ADVENTURE. But there's one thing you're forgetting: the girly salon will probably give you a GOOD haircut...and a nice facial to boot! Unless I take a picture of Surya and carry it around as explanation for why i have buzz knicks and claw marks on my scalp, it's safer to go to the girly salon.

And who knows you might run into your CRUSH there! TEE-HEE!

So hopefully this time i have decided to skip Surya's and get a haircut at one of those ~posh~ salons where gay people mostly hang out.So now let's decide on what style I want. I have no clue as usual. You have no clue, don't worry that's normal. The haircut people have no clue what you're trying to say anyway. Even Surya doesn't.They just toss out jargon to muddle you up while they proceed to cut in small baby-step stages. This is because "taking more off is always okay, but putting it back on is the hard part." That was an actual quote by my barber translated by me from crude telugu to english...every time I go in there,he still wonders why I don't come in that often.
S: " Enti ee madhya ravatledu"?
Me: "Dude,its not like i need a haircut everyday, im not a were wolf to come in that often!!"

Btw Now what if you DO know what you want your hair to look like. Well you should bring in a picture of a celeb with that hairstyle so that your haircutter will know precisely what you want. NOT Shah Rukh khan though,as a fact all hairdressers' favorite character is Salman Khan. Surya's even got his face painted on this board outside..

One of my friends goes to this Habib's or Jamal's or some salon named after this guy where you even have some chicks give u a cut. He always comes out with a huge smirk on his face.Yea maybe we also should go there..this is going to be nice! You're in for one semi-erotic experience. With Sunny running fingers through your hair, making you go up and down in the chair, and blowing on your ear...with the dryer, you're damn justified for having that erection. Everyone over there knows you have one, so be proud! If you dont get one, that means you're probably homo. Why do you think they cover you up in that big sheet. And we haven't even gotten to the hair buzzer. In the right hands it is like a vibrator for your neck. Tingly nerves are driving you crazy. She's totally flirting with you! Then she goes, "Mind if I give you a quick tease?" Calm down sailor, she's just going to tousle your hair a little and then you have to leave. So while you may think it's out of hand to spend 500 bucks on a haircut, it's quite in your favor considering you leave the place with the "effects" of a lap dance.

Oh and by the way Sunny is a man's name too.

someone lend me some money..

You know how They say that "Everything in life has a purpose!"

.. now before you ask me who [They] are.. beats me.. i got no friggin' clue either..

Well I was in the shower today and got to thinking why do men have nipples? I mean they serve no real purpose... atleast not any that i can possibly think of.. its not like we men can lactate too..

:-/

FEm

I hate it when people ask me for my opinion and feel bad when i tell them the truth.. I'm brutally honest; if you don't want me to be honest, then don't ask me. I hate it when girls ask,
'What do you think about this top'? When I say its skimpy and it sucks, they're like ' Hey don't be mean its sucha pretty top and i like it, neha liked it and she's a fashion designer and she liked it and all my friends liked it. ' Unlike Neha, i'm not a designer. I'm no judge of tops and bottoms, so why ask me in the first place?
n then i used to have this other friend who always used to ask 'Do these pants make me look fat?' I'm like, 'No, your fat makes you look fat. All the pants' trying to do is get off you.'

n i also hate it when people take me for granted.. i try to be a nice guy and lend a couple books to a friend S and its been almost 2 months... not a word allthis while and when i finally ask for them.. comes the reply.. "Fine, you can have 'em after two days".. as if she doing me a favor by returning them... [??] .. fine i can live with a li'l attitude.. but two days pass n still nothing... still no sign of my stuff!!! what am i.. running a free library or what// if she were a guy.. she would have got a much deserved kick in the butt long back..

but nevertheless i call her still cos i desperately need those books.. and here's what she has to say about it..

S: "Andy dont bug me yaar, i'm unwell"

Me: ''why what happened to you..''

S: ''Nothing!!'' [???!!!]

The above was repeated thrice during the course of that telephonic conversation. Now listen up, I'm not some sorta telepathic dude like one of those zero bodyhaired bald beings from that movie Minority Report to be able to understand whats wrongwith you and even them beings needed a poolful of molten jelly to do their thingy.

[I've had it with this S female cos she makes no sense and females as a rule generally dont make any sense whatsoever and here i take this opportune moment to define the word Female.. it can be deduced that a female is a male with a 'Fe' and what does this 'Fe' stand for..u might be wondering..the answer, my dear reader is Fe stands for inFErior.]

Yes, I am a Male Chauvinistic Pig and i wholeheartedly approve the above paranthesis.

so blow me.

.l..

Don't hold your farts in, because when you do, they go straight up to your brain and that's where you get your shitty ideas from.