State of the Fart!!!

The following information is highly confidential andstill i have the balls to post this.Wohkay.. so here goes:
Last week i had a secret rendezvous with my secretunnamed source[ nahi re NOT Simi Garewal] in the CBIwho doesnt wanna be identified right now cos he wantsto publish a book later after he retires [a la DeepThroat]. Lets just call him Hollow Anus[ you shall getthe pun later]
.So Hollow Anus handed me a paper n before i could say "waddayawantmetodowiththis;wipemyass?" [ again u'llgetthe pun later] he just disappeared n i was leftclutching the paper. So i began to read it, 'twas amanuscript on a subject titled "The State of the fart"which was about the link between the mind and thebowel being both crucial and direct.Its been claimedthat from farts,the researcher [ a.k.a fart analyser dude] can not only tell what people have eaten ordrunk, but also the sort of person they are, whetherthey are emotionally stable or unstable, if they'rekeeping secrets,laughing at you behind your back andtrying to ingratiate themselves with you and even whatthey're thinking about at the precise moment theyissue the fart[ this largely n pretty much only fromthe sound produced by the gas through the anal orifice].
I think its totally crap [pun intended again], but if its true, then i guess this has the potential to become the research of the century... I mean think abt it, this can be implemented by interrogators on prisoners n enemy spies, all u havta do is feed 'emstuff like peanuts, palli batani chana etc etc and out they fart the secrets they're keeping. Supposedly,Fartresearch has the whole n soul support of the NationalHuman Rights Commission since there'll be no more need for any more third degree torture n stuff like that.No need for interrogation rooms[ rem my last mail??],hot n stuffy fart rooms 'll become the order of the day in jails since the temperature for anal fissure is optimal in such locations. I can hear someone say [so y u tellin me all this] so i say [shuttfup n read along beeecchhhh] See,if u have a crush on this chickn u desperately wanna find out whether shereciprocates your feelings then all u have to do isfeed her something n wait for her to fart.. Its assimple as that!!! Fart analysis is here to stay!!!for example, here are some not-so-hypotheticalsituations.
Scene:1 Udi: Here's some peanuts for ya [randomchick insertname here]Random chick: [after eating thosepeanuts]PFffffffttt... [fart]Udi: Beeeeecchhhhhandy: wawassaattt !!!!udi: gimme a break maan.. even she thinks im gaydammit why do ppl think im gay?andy: maybe cos u let out gay farts all the time!

Scene 2: Girl: tume mujhse kitna pyaar karte ho?boy: A 1000 packets of haldiram's are also not enoughto profess my love for you honey..girl: ohh darling... ppffftttt!!!boy: I love you too baby.. Myuuhaahaaa