Is Back!!

Recently Uncancelled"

Now Playing: "We B Clubbin' " by DMX n Ice Cube

Most part of May and June was a difficult one for me n [my] so-called [Blog afficionados], as the sudden loss of their favorite blog sent them spiraling down into a state of miscarriage-inducing panic. Until today, many people [thankfully?!] believed they would never again be moderately entertained/grossed for 10 minutes after loggin onto the net after they finished watching the first five minutes of The Simi Garewal Show, which is the longest anyone can probably bear to watch that god-awful waste of the exposing talent of Simi Garewal. Yeah, believe it or not, she was hot at one point in her life back in those Eastman color movies.
But whatever, I is back peeps,i uncancelled myself cos im getting bored cos there's pretty much nothing to do except WORK. work more work. And I've decided i want a break. And last night i slept for TEN hours which is news cos i have hardly been catching winks for the past 3 months.

Like many others of my ilk, I dream in my sleep. I dream otherwise too, n do i dream BIG... as evidenced by the fact that in my sleep dreams my writings outsold shitty Dan Brown merchandise by a factor of 6.57 million to 0 according to statistics I obtained from Akbar the Economics Centaur who lives in the underground tunnel that joins my room to a secret military lab in a dream I might have had after eating too much curd.

i know that I aint making much sense.. most of are wondering ki whats happenin to "good ol' andy", as i am amicably referred to in various circles? Here's what happened.. in my dream ----------..

..---->I was awoken with a start at the unholy hour of 5:30am on a Saturday by a knock at my door. This was unusual, because my maid knows I don't like to be disturbed before 11. "Open up," a serious voice belted. "Police!" At first I thought that sort of thing only happened in the movies, and I ,therefore must be dreaming. That's why I hollered back, in a groggy and irritable tone: "You can't arrest me! I havent brushed my teeth yet." I then realized this didn't make a whole lot of sense but hey it was my dream and I could take whatever creative liberties I wanted to. This was probably a mistake.
-After the door was busted open approximately eight seconds later, I found myself being handcuffed and led out to the back of a police car. "Great", I thought to myself, which is really the only way possible to think...I mean how could you think to someone else unless you were some kinda telepathic mastermind like in that movie Minority Report, and even those guys needed special equipment and a pool of melted jelly to get that glisteny sheen that reflected off their submerged foreheads... "There goes my door!!".
Even as i hopelessly pleaded with the officer to remove my cuffs so i could un-COMMANDO myself [hehehe]., my mind began running through the possible reasons I might be in this pickle of a jam, which was a phrase that seemed way funnier in my dream . Why was i getting arrested. Was it because i flicked an ice-cream from food-World the other day? Or was it because i 'unknowingly' scratched my 'friends' car all over with an army knife after 'accidentally' letting the air off from the tyres??
[-If maybe i was being arrested for something much more benign than any of those crazy ideas then you should in no way inform the concerned authorities.wohkay?]

"Can I offer you something to drink?", asked the detective after we arrived at the interrogation room. I figured this was a pretty easy question, and didn't really necessitate a whole room, but I played along. "Do you have Mountain Dew?" Ordinarily I wouldn't answer a question with another question, but I figured that's how things worked in the interrogation room. I mean.. think about the name dude. Anyway, the detective comes back with a Coke, which btw Aamir Khan is doing a superlative crappy pathetic job of advertising. "Didnt I ask for a Dew?" I think I'm beginning to get the hang of this interrogation thingy..

-Over to my prison cell,in almost all the prison movies I've ever seen, the bathroom is a dank corner of the cell where flies buzz around a dilapidated rusty toilet and all the guards point and laugh whenever you have to poop. So at first I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered that my cell had no bathroom at all. The relief quickly faded into puzzlement, however,when that MOuntain Dew finally wound its way through my small intestine and the need to [DO] a private bodily function became quite intense. I called over to one of the guards, and asked him what the deal was. He replied that the bathroom was down the hall,and I needed to ask permission and get a pass every time I wanted to go. Now i got it figured out why its called Passing[it].. bad joke eh? Wait,there are cameras everywhere filming me while I poop. Perverts.
There's not a whole lot to do while you're sitting in a cell even if its in your dream. A lot of people don't realize the sheer level of boredom you experience.. I tried accessing a computer so I could post my loyal readers a blog about this, but the computer refused to connect to the net displaying a [nobody fuckin cares] error message.
-Finally, several hours later, I think i finally wake up. The experience taught me a lot, such as that prison isn't just for pakis and hardened criminals like Osama bin Laden and MonicaBedi, but also for ordinary folks like you and me. And now that i am finally up and the ordeal is behind me I can go back to living the life of anti-sloth I enjoyed before this fiasco. So to all you readers out there who patiently waited for me to return, and refrained from sending me any emails of concern, knowing that it would only increase my agony, thank you. I love you all.

PS: Someone explain to me this tagging business. what only it is i am not understanding only.